It's Great Being a Bloke

It is great to be a bloke!!!

Understanding football (any football!)

A five day holiday requires one overnight bag

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat

Queues for the bathroom don't exist

You can open all your own jars

When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every shot of someone crying

All your orgasms are real

You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around

You can go to the bathroom without a support group

When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

Nobody wonders if you swallow

You never have to clean a toilet

You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes

You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week

Sex means never worrying about your reputation

Wedding plans take care of themselves

If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that they forgot to invite you. It doesn't mean that they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend

You don't have to shave below your neck

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night

If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices

You can write your name in the snow

Biological clock? What's that?

Chocolate is just another snack

Flowers fix everything

You never have to worry about other people's feelings

You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours

Reverse parking is easy

Foreplay is optional

Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows

Michael Bolton does not exist in your universe

You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming by

You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. In fact you encourage them.

Car mechanics tell you the truth

You don't give a rat's ass if no-one notices your new haircut

You can quietly watch a game on TV with a buddy for hours without ever thinking he's mad at you

You never look at the size of a baby's head and cringe

The whole world is your urinal

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area

One mood, all the time

Same work, More pay!

Grey hair and wrinkles add character

The remote control is yours and yours alone

No such thing as bunny-hopping half an inch above the toilet seat

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them

You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother

You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked

If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends and they won't try and work out what the problem is

Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood

Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger

Porn movies are designed specifically with your mind in mind

You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries

Not liking a person doesn't exclude having great sex with them

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so...,notice anything different?"

Farts are funny

Baywatch